Bargaining--Bargaining works as long as both parties get what they want and what they want is not available elsewhere at a cheaper price. This kind of relationship advice is common, but misguided. Every relationship does have give and take, but the purpose is not to see how much we can take. The purpose of give and take is to find a balance where both partners feel that they are getting out of the relationship as much as they are putting in. That prevents resentment. Bargaining for your partner's attention is like paying your kids for getting good grades. It does provide an incentive, but it takes away internal motivation. When the reward is removed, so is their natural desire to get good grades. Or Jerome Brown Jersey , in your partner's case, the desire to pay attention to you will decrease while the desire to get whatever you are offering will increase. That is, until that thrill is gone. Or found elsewhere.
The best way to get your partner's attention may come as quite a surprise--by working on having a balanced life that you enjoy. In other words, the best way to compete for your partner's attention is not to compete for it. The more desperate or needy you become, the less attractive you will be not only for your partner, but for yourself and for others. Just as we are repelled by whatever makes demands on us, we attracted to whatever flourishes. Would you rather spend your time in a beautiful rose garden or sitting among weeds and thistles that cling to life? Just as you are attracted to people who have a purpose and zest for life, so others will be attracted to you--including your partner! This is equally true for men and women.
Is it still possible that your partner will not be attracted to you even if you get your life together? Of course. But, if he or she chooses to ignore the diamond (you)for lumps of coal (football, friends, shopping, family, etc.) he or she will be the fool and not you. You can always be rejected by anyone at anytime Wes Hopkins Jersey , but they have much more to lose if you are a person who is put together and loving your life. If they do reject you, they will typically soon miss you because it is so hard to find the kind of great person you have become. If you are not together and have little zest for life, well, you won't be so hard to replace.
As relationship coaches constantly remind people, you will adjust to your changes faster than other people will adjust to your changes. Although you are making good changes, it will take your partner time to find out that they are really good and then be comfortable with them. It is not important that your partner agrees on the changes at first. People are more easily convinced with results than with words. In as little as three months, you can start to have a healthy, loving, and fun relationship with your current partner. Working with a relationship coach is a good way to stay committed, make the right changes, and have fun at the same time. Author's Resource Box
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach.