Es war ein kalter Winterabend als mir das Unglück geschah. Ich und mein Freund hatten zu Abend Chilli(!) gegessen und beschlossen vor dem Schlafengehen noch ein bisschen zu fernsehen. In unregelmäßigen Abständen pfurzten wir uns die Hucke voll. Als das Zimmer schon nach einer Mischung aus Gemüse und Bohnen roch, kam mir ein grandioser Einfall. Ich holte mein Feuerzeug aus meinem Zimmer, und wartete auf eine günstige Gelegenheit, da kam schon eine. Schnell nahm ich mein Feuerzeug, hielt es an meine Hose und pfurzte. Obwohl der Pfurz ein gutes Exemplar war, stieg nur eine mickrige Stichflamme auf. Da kam mir die Idee. Ich nahm mein Deo, sprühte damit auf meinen Hosenboden, hielt das Feuerzeug dagegen und pfurzte nochmal. Eine riesen Stichflamme stieg fast bis an die Decke. Im ersten Moment fing ich an zu lachen, aber als ich bemerkte, dass meine Hose brannte, verging es mir. Ich versuchte das Feuer auszublasen, aber ohne Erfolg. Mein Freund lachte sich den Arsch blutig, während ich wie vom Teufel besessen durch`s Zimmer rannte. Als die Hose schon lichterloh brannte, schaffte ich es endlich sie abzustreifen. Sie brannte fast vollkommen aus. Ab diesem Moment wusste ich, das Pfurze zwar lustig, aber auch gefährlich sind. Ist das nicht wundervoll? Gackgackgack.
Der Bierfurz: Der klassische Bierfurz tritt in der Regel nach Saufgelagen mit den unterschiedlichsten alkoholischen Gerstensäften auf. Er hat eine besonders würzige Duftnote und ist sogar für seinen Erzeuger ein echtes Übel. In diesem Zusammenhang kommt es meist auch zu einer außergewöhnlich zähen Konsistenz des Stuhles: Die Knetmassenähnliche Ausscheidung hat echten Klebstoffcharakter und ist selbst mit der Klobürste nur schwer entfernbar. Der Bierfurz ist im allgemeinen sehr lautstark und lässt sich selten unerkannt in der Umgebung platzieren.
Der Bohnenfurz: Der Bohnenfurz ist genau wie der Bierfurz ein echter Klassiker unter den Fürzen. Er tritt nach dem Verzehr von Bohnen und anderen Hülsenfrüchten auf. Er ist relativ lautstark, hat im Idealfall ein extrem aggressives Aroma und duftet erheblich weniger chemisch als ein Bierfurz. Der hohe Methangas-Gehalt hüllt den Erzeuger in wohlige Wärme, aber Vorsicht: Das Gas ist besonders leicht entzündlich. Es wird daher gerne zum sogenannten 'Feuerfurzen' verwendet.
Der Fructosefurz: Charakteristisch für den Fructosefurz (auch Fruchtzucker- oder Marathonfurz genannt) ist die enorme Länge des Ausstoßes. Ausgelöst wird er durch eine überdosierte Einnahme von Fruchtzucker. Das Phänomen: bereits kurz nach dem Verzehr kommt es zu außergewöhnlich starker Darmgasentwicklung. Die Menge des Gasausstoßes kann ohne weiteres mehrere hundert Liter pro Stunde betragen !!! Auch Dauerfürze in Minutenlänge sind keine Seltenheit. Das Aroma des Fructosefurzes ist in der Regel eher 'flach'. Aktuellen Meldungen zufolge kamen jedoch auch schon 'würzig-herbe' Varianten zustande.
Der Zwiebelfurz: Seit Urzeiten ist die Zwiebel Hauptauslöser konzentrierter Darmgase. Die chemische Reinheit des Zwiebelfurzes ist fast unübertroffen. Sein Aroma übertrifft die des Bier- bzw. Bohnenfurzes oft um ein vielfaches. Er ist extrem leicht entflammbar und auch akustisch betrachtet ein echter Leckerbissen. Der Wärmegehalt des Gases ist hier wie beim Bohnenfurz überdurchschnittlich hoch. Die Darmgas-Qualität hat echtes Weltklasse-Niveau und findet sogar in gehobenen Prominentenkreisen rasch begeisterte 'Mitriecher'.
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